"Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that terrible incident with the Dinosaurs."
29 years old
Matt Pisarski's Golf Statistics
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Matt Pisarski's Favorites
Where Matt Pisarski Plays Golf
Los Angeles County; San Bernardino County; Riverside County; Palm Springs Area; Orange County; San Diego County; Ventura County; Santa Barbara County; Sacramento Area; Monterey Bay Area; Santa Cruz Area; Las Vegas Area; Mesquite/St.George Area; Laughlin/Bullhead City; Phoenix Area; Western Arizona; Northern Arizona; Colorado; Northwest Coastal; Southwest Coastal; Seattle/Tacoma/Bremerton; Vancouver/Southwest; Spokane/Eastern; * Other
What's in Matt Pisarski's Golf Bag
Cobra KING F8+ set at 9.5°
TM RBZ 3W
TM SLDR 21°
Tour Edge EX% Hybrid
TM Speed Blade 5-AW
Cleveland TFI 2135 with jumbo winn grip
Chicago Bears Towel and Divot fixer
Chrome Soft or Z stars
Last Updated: December 7, 2018
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I love to play whenever I can and I love to play new courses. Please laugh at my terrible shots because I know I will.
Chuck Norris once Duffed a shot in Arizona and now we have the Grand Canyon
SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? In case he gets a hole in one.
What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron.
How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? By strategically placing fire hydrants.
Why are golf and sex so similar? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the course sometime.
What's the difference between a golf ball and a Nissan? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.
What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Wash your balls.
Do you know why the game is called golf? Because all the other four letter words were taken.
It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take.
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all?
Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Because it would interrupt their tea time.
What does a golfer do on his day off? Putter Around.
Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Because subtraction speaks louder than words.
What did the duck say to the golf ball? Nothing it should have ducked.
Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Because he thought every day he needed to play around.
What did the golfer say after performing yoga? "Damn, my shaft is all bent."
What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.
Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve.
"There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino
"Golf is my profession. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope
"You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."
Which is the easiest golf stroke? The fourth putt!
Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game". The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle. She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par. She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a blow job he will never forget. " The guys think, 'what a deal!' The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup." The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup." The grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says "That's a Gimme."
Golf Cart A man during his married years overturned his golf cart and a blonde said to him come to my place and rest. She was quite convincing and then took her clothes off once there. And he said "I don't think my wife is going to like this." And she answered "She will never know." He said "That's not the problem she's still under cart."
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Matt Pisarski's Golf Course Reviews
Found a super awesome hot deal for $80 this morning and immediately pulled the trigger. Today was the last day that the course is open to the public b... » More
Found a super awesome hot deal for $80 this morning and immediately pulled the trigger. Today was the last day that the course is open to the public before the Desert Classic next week. The first 4 holes there was a light rain then it stopped and everything was perfect.
Conditions were almost perfect as expected for a PGA Tour stop. For it raining pretty hard in the morning the course drained very well. I never found a puddle or muddy spot on the entire course including the traps. Fairways were cut short and when dry had extra roll leading to balls running off the fairways into the nasty rough. Greens were still firm and exceptionally fast despite the morning rain. I dont want to know how fast they will be when dry! Most Tee boxes were pushed up to reserve the nice grass for the pro's but all tee's were well manicured. Id say that the blue tee's were slightly shorter than the card expect for Alcatraz which was playing long.
Seeing all of the grandstands up make this course much more exciting and I can wait to play another course with grandstands. It also shakes your nerves because workers were watching me golf all day but I guess I liked the challenge as I shot a 79.» Close
Joined Gary, JohnnyGk, and Blake for a fun round at Terra Lago North. I had played the south course a few years back and really wanted to play the nor... » More
Joined Gary, JohnnyGk, and Blake for a fun round at Terra Lago North. I had played the south course a few years back and really wanted to play the north after hearing the good things on Gk. All I can say what took me so long to come back! The North is a beast of a course and the pins were placed in some very tough locations. As Gary said a few holes are short a few are very long. I do think the final 4 holes are the toughest stretch in Southern CA IMO. you have a 150 yard island hole, 400 yard par 4. 540 yard par five and a beastly 470 yard par 4 to end it.
Conditions were fantastic today from tee to green. A few fairways were CPO as they wanted the grass to dry out a touch more. I only noticed 9 being very wet so the CPO may only last a few more days. The only nit picky thing I can add was a few bunkers were a bit thin.
I highly suggest playing out here especially because of its conditioning and price which is much better than others in the valley» Close
TEE TIME- 8:10
WEATHER - 40°
POP- 4HR 50MIN
Decided to head out to Pechanga for a little golf and gambling. We b... » More
TEE TIME- 8:10
WEATHER - 40°
POP- 4HR 50MIN
Decided to head out to Pechanga for a little golf and gambling. We bought the underpar deal which includes 2 people for $200 and a bounce back certificate. I kinda knew in the back of my head that there would be a frost delay due to the very cold overnight temperatures. Right when we walked in at 7:30 there was a sign stating that there was indeed a frost delay. The clubhouse staff let us know that we had about an hour or so before they could open the range. We decided to eat at the restaurant and the breakfast was spectacular. About thirty minuets after arriving the staff came around and let everyone know that they were going to start teeing off in 10 minuets. he only issue we had was instead of a shotgun they just tee'd off in order so we still ended up teeing off 1 hour after our tee time.
Course is in fantastic shape right with the exception of some GUR on 2,7,16,18 which are CPO they looked to have suffered some storm damage and they had laid new Sod down already. Other than those minor issues all fairways were near perfect with consistent roll and fluffy lies. The Rough was very nasty which makes for 3 rounds in a row where balls were easily lost in the 3-5 inch rough, I will have nightmares about this for weeks. Greens were running about a 12 on the scale and were mostly firm. The par three's seemed to be little softer than others which was a good thing. Tee's need to be moved but they all were well spaced and provided a level hitting surface. I did notice that each hole had 2-3 Super Lush tee boxes that maybe they are using for a tournament. These boxes were twice as nice as what they were using so it was a little confusing. I was not in any sand but per my playing partners it was fantastic.
Overall this place is a lot of fun and usually has fantastic conditions. Staff is super friendly even with the craziness of a frost delay and 5hr POP. I will gladly come back anytime. Even if you pay rack rate I think its still worth it.» Close
Weather- 65° light winds
Found a www.teeoff.com deal for $65 after promo code and took my Father and brothe... » More
Weather- 65° light winds
Found a www.teeoff.com deal for $65 after promo code and took my Father and brother with me out to Maderas. I had not played here in 5 years and really wanted to get back out. $65 is an amazing price to pay to play Maderas. We got to the course at 1130 hoping to sneak out earlier than our 12:30 tee time and the staff was super friendly and let us go out at 12. We Zipped around the course in about 3 hours and 50 minuets only waiting on par 3's.
The conditions here are spectacular right now. Nicely mowed tee's with plenty of space and tee sets to choose from. Fairways were a nice emerald green color with full coverage. I do not believe I had a bad lie all day. Rough is mostly dormant but plays nicely and gives a desert look to the course. Greens were the best part of the day even though I have never seen tougher pin locations. All greens were the same fast pace and smooth. Well struck shots would spin but you have to be careful because there are many false edges on this course.
In all the staff here is awesome from the check in to the starter and Cart girls. Top notch service as expected from a Troon facility. I highly recommend playing here soon if you can snag a deal.» Close
Enjoyed a windy day out here with Kevbig, Rob1563 and Alex326. A big thanks to Kevin for hooking us up with a killer deal. Temp was in the high 50's a... » More
Enjoyed a windy day out here with Kevbig, Rob1563 and Alex326. A big thanks to Kevin for hooking us up with a killer deal. Temp was in the high 50's and a bit windy. Service here is top notch as expected. You are met in the parking lot as they welcome you and take your bag to the staging area. Every member of the facility was super friendly and treat you like family.
Course conditions are great right now from tee-green. Tee's were lush and many sets to choose from. Fairways fully covered and provided good roll. The rough has gone mostly dormant but play nicely it also gives you that beautiful contrast of emerald green and golden brown grasses. Greens were spectacular and held most shot and rolled perfect all day.
In all this is a must play when in Vegas as you will not be disappointed with the views and elevation changes. One last little note is the wind swirls on the course so you may never play down wind but then again you might not play into the wind, we were just a bit unlucky with the wind direction on Sunday.» Close
Matt Pisarski's GK Buddies
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