"Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that terrible incident with the Dinosaurs."
28 years old
Professional Shitty Golfer
Matt Pisarski's Golf Statistics
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Matt Pisarski's Favorites
Where Matt Pisarski Plays Golf
Los Angeles County; San Bernardino County; Riverside County; Palm Springs Area; Orange County; San Diego County; Ventura County; Santa Barbara County; Sacramento Area; Monterey Bay Area; Santa Cruz Area; Las Vegas Area; Mesquite/St.George Area; Laughlin/Bullhead City; Phoenix Area; Western Arizona; Northwest Coastal; Southwest Coastal; Seattle/Tacoma/Bremerton; Spokane/Eastern
What's in Matt Pisarski's Golf Bag
Cobra KING F8+ set at 9.5°
TM RBZ 3W
TM SLDR 5W
Taylor Made Speed Blade 4-AW
Cleveland TFI 2135 with jumbo winn grip
Srixon or Kirkland Golf balls
Last Updated: February 8, 2018
I love to play whenever I can and I love to play new courses. Please laugh at my terrible shots because I know I will.
Chuck Norris once Duffed a shot in Arizona and now we have the Grand Canyon
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters?
3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? In case he gets a hole in one.
What do you call a blonde at a golf course? The 19th hole.
What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron.
How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.
How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? By stragetically placing fire hydrants.
Why are golf and sex so similar? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the course sometime.
What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.
Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Happy Gilmore.
Where is the best place to go on vacation? In the Golf of Mexico!
What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Wash your balls.
Do you know why the game is called golf? Because all the other four letter words were taken.
It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take.
What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Fantastic 4-some.
A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter!
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all?
Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Because it would interrupt their tea time.
What does a golfer do on his day off? Putter Around.
Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Because subtraction speaks louder than words.
What did the duck say to the golf ball? Nothing it should have ducked.
Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Because he thought every day he needed to play around.
What did the golfer say after performing yoga? "Damn, my shaft is all bent."
What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one.
What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will happen again!
Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.
Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve.
"There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino
"Golf is my profession. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope
"You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt."
Which is the easiest golf stroke? The fourth putt!
How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? He's the one getting his balls cleaned.
Choose A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right ?"
Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game". The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle. She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par. She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a blow job he will never forget. " The guys think, 'what a deal!' The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup." The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup." The grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says "That's a Gimme."
Golf Cart A man during his married years overturned his golf cart and a blonde said to him come to my place and rest. She was quite convincing and then took her clothes off once there. And he said "I don't think my wife is going to like this." And she answered "She will never know." He said "That's not the problem she's still under cart."
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Matt Pisarski's Golf Course Reviews
Not a ton to add from Kevbig's review of our HAIL of a day on the Wolf Course. Thanks to Kevin for getting me the local rate and meeting me out here f... » More
Not a ton to add from Kevbig's review of our HAIL of a day on the Wolf Course. Thanks to Kevin for getting me the local rate and meeting me out here for some golf.
I knew going in that any wind in Vegas means that its 5-10 mph faster at Paiute which was no exception today, roughly 10-15mph most of the day until the storm cells came over then there were some gusts to 30-40.
Course in good shape and looks to be in very tough tournament condition the fairways were cut super short and were firm and fast leading to many shots to roll into the rough. Rough was cut to 1-3 inches and as Kevin said can mess with you a little. I was in two traps the first one was the size of maybe 4 basketballs. It was horrible and had no sand. The second was a fairway bunker and it was perfect so no complaints other than why have a bunker so small.
Greens were amazing! Very Firm and Fast. I made two ball marks in the 16 holes that I played before all hail broke loose. The only reason I made one ball mark was we played the island green 15th after the first storm cell rolled through and softened it up ever so slightly. I might have wished they stayed firm as my tee shot came up 15 inches short of an ace. Oh well thats golf.
In all this will be a round I will remember for ever as on the 16th hole the entire course turned white with the hail. I even used my chipper to putt a ball on the 16th green that was covered in Hail. Sadly I missed it and the par putt bounced three different ways before dropping in the cup. We left after that because it was 40° and the next storm started dumping and blowing at 40mph.» Close
Made an impromptu trip to Vegas this week to enjoy my last week off. Found a 645 tee time for $83 on TeeOff.com and decided to give this course a try.... » More
Made an impromptu trip to Vegas this week to enjoy my last week off. Found a 645 tee time for $83 on TeeOff.com and decided to give this course a try. Pulled up to the parking lot in the dark as sunrise was at 650am and the cart guys put me on a cart and directed me to the clubhouse. The proshop guy was very nice he got me checked in quick and I was on my way to the Concord Course.
I beat the starter to the tee but it was still too dark to tee off. Once the starter arrived he had a major attitude problem he let my group know that there is no way we had a 645 tee time and that the tee times start at 715. After realizing that we did in fact have a 645 start he sent us to the tee. The two some i was paired with were locals and we zipped through 8 holes in 1.25 hours then came a major surprise. The had a shotgun tournament that nobody told us about and put two groups on holes 9-18 we even had a group put on hole 8 behind us as we had already tee'd off. POP was 3.5 Hours for 10 HOLES!!!!! At the turn the started didn't care one bit and brushed us off.
Course Conditions are good-great right now Tee's were level and no big issues other than par 3's that needed to be moved. Fairways super lush but the tee shots mostly gather in the low spots and divots were an issue especially on elevation holes. Hole 18 even had a GUR spot where my tee shot landed 375 yards down hill from the tee. There was almost no grass just divots.
The rough is still dormant and if you dont miss too bad will funnel your ball back into the fairway. There are a few areas that have some splotches of bermuda that has awaken from the winter but still 97 percent dormant.
Sand was the worst I have ever played. there was no sand and a lot of rocks which is very disappointing for a course of this caliber and price point
Greens were the highlight of the round they were Semi firm but held approach shots well and even allowed some spin even when not wanted haha. All putts rolled smooth and quick which made it very important to hit the right tiers on the massive greens on this course.
In all this course reminds me a little of glen ivy and champions club in Corona with the elevation changes and fairways the funnel to one spot on most holes. I will definitely go back even though the starter was a rotten apple and the tournament that was put out in front and behind us.» Close
First time playing here after finding a tee time for $69 on a Sat morning. Unfortunately the winds were up and it was a rainy/ drizzle day. The staff ... » More
First time playing here after finding a tee time for $69 on a Sat morning. Unfortunately the winds were up and it was a rainy/ drizzle day. The staff here was fantastic with the starter giving us tips about what to do on the windy holes and where to hit on certain greens.
The course is a fun layout with a bunch of elevated fairways that have rough in the pits below. Course conditions were decent with grass coverage everywhere but just not the all the same when in the rough. I had a few clumpy lies and paid the price when I was off the fairways.
The greens where very firm but slow due to the moisture. All the putts did roll well and very few divots as there had only been 2 groups to go out before us. We never saw the groups and finished in about 2hr 45.
The only thing that I can bash about the course is the sand. Very inconsistent while all were wet a few were very hard and had no sand. I did find two green sides that had puddles even though it hadn't rained in a week.
My favorite holes are 10 and 11 because they play in a little Forrest of desert pine trees and it has a cool aesthetic to it as you are in the middle of the desert.
In all I probably wont be back because of the many other options in the Coachella Valley but its not a bad place if you are looking for a deal.» Close
Had a great round at the beautiful Oak Quarry today. Joining my Brother, Gregholla, and Hilary.
We had a 740 tee time this morning and like n... » More
Had a great round at the beautiful Oak Quarry today. Joining my Brother, Gregholla, and Hilary.
We had a 740 tee time this morning and like normal we went out about 15 mins late. The cart guys even said that every thing was going smooth as two groups no showed but I knew better. The starter never addressed anyone and it seemed like if you wanted to tee off you had to go talk to him and he sent you out regardless of you time. He seemed lost up there.
The course is in great shape right now and was playing real tough. I think the UC Riverside golf team had an event either yesterday or some time recently because the rough was long and the greens firm and fast. I had a heck of a time getting out of the rough even though im a strong guy. The rough just grabs your club and adds strokes quickly.
The Fairways were semi dormant but still greenish from the tee/ distance. They provided nice lies and offered decent roll all day. Greens as mentioned before were firm and fast. Pins were put in some diabolical locations today causing many 3 putts from distance.
The only down side which seems to be a common thing at Oak quarry is the Sand. Honestly this is the worst conditioned course when it comes to the bunkers. Simply said there is not enough sand in any trap anywhere on the course. All were very firm and caused a lot of drama in the GK Cup match between Alex and Greg. The traps were very wet like normal and could desperately need a truck load of new sand on every hole. Ill even volunteer to drive a truck load from the beach next time haha.
Even though the sand is such a bummer they will still get my business because nobody beats the scenic value in the area and for a rack rate of $85 at 740 Sat morning I can forgive them for the poor sand conditions.» Close
Used a Gk coupon today to play CrossCreek. Tee'd off a little early with a two some and finished in 4.5 hours waiting at times as the course was fully... » More
Used a Gk coupon today to play CrossCreek. Tee'd off a little early with a two some and finished in 4.5 hours waiting at times as the course was fully booked this morning. The cart girl came around a few times and the meal I got from the GK coupon was a tasty Ham Sandwich with Chips. ($10 value)
This is one of my favorite course due to its seclusion from the outside world. As they advertise No homes, No Roads, No Noise. You can also add No CELL service which make the round that much more enjoyable.
Conditions are decent right now. They definitely water this course a bunch as all of the traps were wet as wells as low lying areas and Tee boxes. You could say borderline muddy. The fairways a mix of dormant and lush grass rarely bare ran for days and you could out run the fairways as I did a couple times. Greens were mostly firm and lightning fast but held flops and pitches nicely. The sand was too firm for my liking but I was only in 1 trap so not much a rating.
Over all I love this course and the coupon makes it a much better deal even though rack rate is only about $60.» Close
Matt Pisarski's GK Buddies
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